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Misha Nazare Rods's avatar

The hood was easier with the village, I think. It gave us a place to hang up our capes as you said it best. Now it's on us as mothers to be the entire force of nature and develop intimate bonds with our children with little to no help. Doing this while we are mentally exhausted and have some traumas that surface from our past, which might I add, is on our generation to heal. We are the force, the spirit, and the love that we needed before birthing our babies. Now we have all of this, and remember that you dear sister, are the life your grandchildren will thank you for. They will not navigate the way you do because you gibe them every ounce of force within you. And when you ask yourself why, remember that the world is chaos. And this is what they chose to be born into.

Rest your mind and remember that you are the one. ✨️ the best one.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

Wow. Wow wow wow this is so powerful. Your words just arrested me. Thank you for sharing this Misha.

I sadly never got to experience the full effect of "the village" as a mother myself, but I remember what it looked like when I was growing up. My siblings and I were always surrounded. I know my mom had it hard raising 9 kids, but I almost always remember the extra hands, love, and labor from our community of family and friends.

Our generation's calling to heal is HEAVY, but it must be done. If not for us ourselves, then for those coming behind us.

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Misha Nazare Rods's avatar

Sorry for the typos, I too have a baby to run back and tend to. No time for errors, but then the message might not get sent. 🫠

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Katz Llale's avatar

Thank you so much, Mariah, for this deeply vulnerable post.

Firstly, I want to send love and warmth your way as you navigate your journey of recovery while mothering.

This is such an important post. It is crucial that, as mothers, we have the space to be raw and honest about the hardships of motherhood without facing shame. It would be dishonest to paint a picture of motherhood that only emphasizes the rosy aspects without acknowledging the dirt and hard work that comes with it. Just like every beautiful garden, motherhood isn’t just flowery but has its toil and mess.

Thank you for your courage and transparency.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

Thank you so much, Katz. And yes, the image of the beautiful garden in comparison to motherhood rings loudly. Thank you for sharing this <3

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LaVonna Hicks's avatar

“It would be dishonest to paint a picture of motherhood that only emphasizes the rosy aspects without acknowledging the dirt and hard work that comes with it. Just like every beautiful garden, motherhood isn’t just flowery but has its toil and mess.”

Unfortunately, that was me. I love the comparison of the beautiful garden that wouldn’t be, without the toil and the mess.❤️

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Katz Llale's avatar

Much love 🤎✨

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Ashleigh Vaughn's avatar

Whew. Words from my own heart and experiences. Thank you for this Mariah. We got this, and you're doing great Mama!

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

Thank you so much Ashleigh!🤎

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Emma Del Rey's avatar

Thank you for writing this, I didn’t get help well into my son’s first year of life and I hold a lot of shame about it. I am saddened when I think his earliest days I was not myself and unpleasant to be around. I have come so far since then, and this post was a beautiful reminder I am not alone, and how we need to be talking about maternal mental health more.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

I share the same sentiment of those earlier days. I’m so glad these words landed, their purpose is to hopefully engage more honest dialogue about maternal mental health.

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Emma Del Rey's avatar

It is definitely need!

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LaVonna Hicks's avatar

Tears of grief, sigh of relief. Your voice are my words never spoken yet deeply felt. Never expressed because I didn’t know how. Your words make me reflect on how I’d say I am not your superwoman, yet try to live up to it. I do thank God for his peace, his strength, and for placing me in villages that I didn’t know I needed until I realized I did. Thank you for learning yourself, loving yourself, and looking out for yourself. This shows how great of a mother you truly are because you are doing the work to get better, do better and be better. Continue to be honest with yourself, your husband and your son, that Mommy Is Not Always Well!

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

Thank you Mom! So glad we get to share this space together now. You have been an anchor in my motherhood journey.

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Chelsie's avatar

Thank you for writing and publishing this. It makes me feel a lot less alone in the dark sadness and crippling guilt of it all.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

That is exactly the goal. We're not alone, as much as it may feel like we are.

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Tanisha Woods's avatar

Let me just say, you are doing the best you can and I am praying that your mental health flourishes. Even when it's not, I pray that you extend gentleness and grace to yourself.

I needed this. I am a single mother to three little boys, their father and I split 3 months ago. It's been tough on my boys and I. Today was tough. Emotions were up and down. I was overwhelmed with many demands of motherhood and just wanted time and space to myself to just be and process everything that is occurring in my life. I struggled to find joy today but found it through these words and knowing that I am not alone. Thank you for sharing your words sister <3

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

Thank you, Tanisha.

I am sending love your way as you journey through such a transition. Know that grace is owed to you as you navigate a newness you have never experienced before, be gentle with yourself. I'm so glad these words landed just in the time that you needed them. Much love <3

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Tanisha Woods's avatar

Thank you for your kind words of solace and encouragement sister. God bless you and thank you again for sharing your artistry through writing with us! <3

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Anyeri's avatar

As a mom, im the first one to admit that motherhood is completely overrated. esp in this day in age and society, maybe it was worth it when we were all in tribes and villages but now it mostly sucks. esp if you’re doing it alone.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

And this is what we need — honesty! Every mother shouldn't be forced to say they're deeply in love with motherhood if they aren't. We should be able to accept mother's true feelings around their experiences, even if for some it sucks, without trying to force them to believe it's the best thing. It might not be for everyone. Sending love your way <3

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Karen Wesley's avatar

Sending love. I see you. This is what I tried to do in years of blogging and I created an autism mom support community where we could be brutally honest without judgement. It was my saving grace.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

I love that our needs fuel us to become advocates, to create spaces. I feel like my pain drives me in that sort of way — to action as opposed to seeping in it — because oftentimes the pain is not my own. It's shared in one way or another, with some others who also have the same pain/experience.

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Marc Typo's avatar

I see my wife in your words. Mothering through depression and grief is so difficult. I’m grateful for you words as a reminder of what shes going through and reminds me to give her extra love and grace. Thank you for your words.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

Yes, please wrap that extra love around her anytime you can. She may never directly ask for it, but often it is needed. So glad these words landed, and raised an awareness for you to be more graceful with your wife <3

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Abigail BT's avatar

I had years of high-functioning depression and anxiety, too. And at a time when mental health struggles was not being openly discussed.

I see more and more mums allowing themselves to be real when they're tired and/or struggling. But what I notice though, even if they are, there's still an underlying self-expectation to "do it all" even if they are struggling. No doubt a result of what we're all conditioned to be.

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Mariah Maddox's avatar

I definitely agree there's still that self-expectation. It's a hard conditioning to unlearn. We think if not us, then who will do it how we will? Thank you for reading <3

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